A Sri Lankan family in Nugegoda was puzzled when the coffin of their
dead Mother arrived from Canada.
It was sent by one of the daughters settled in Canada.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no
space left in it!
When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top, which read as
Dear Akki and Aiyas,
I am sending our mother's body to you since it was her last wish that:
She should be buried only in the cemetery of the All Saints Church in
Borella - Colombo.
And also she told me to tell all of you that you should use A.F.
Raymond for 'embalm works' not Barney Raymond or
For Almsgiving she said not to invite the entire town and the distant
She said to order (only for our 4 families) 65 packets of Mutton
Biriyani from Hotel Buhari at Maradana and open only
12 bottles of Special Arrack for the guys and only one case of Three
Coins - for the ladies.
One more thing.. she was very particular about the Hearse, which her
coffin should carry from our home to Borella,
should be 2002 model Buick Automatic. She doesn't like old manual
gear.. old vehicles.
NOW ANEY, DON'T FORGET THESE UNDERLINED REQUESTS ARE FROM HER LAST
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave are consumed and
hopefully this time the God will look at us
and blessed with a boy. Ajith is working like a donkey for 20 hours a
day for 3 companies to save some money for the
dowries of girls.. Anyway, let's go back to Ammi's funeral business.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ammi's body, 12 cans of Kraft
cheese, 10 packets of M&M chocolates, 1 box of
Kit Kat, 8 packets of Wrigley's Chewing Gum, 6 tins of Corned beef,
24 packets of Maggies instant noodles and 12
packets each Jelly & Custard powder. Please divide these among all of
On Ammi's feet you will find new Pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for
Mangalika. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for
Rosy's and Bernard's sons. Hope the sizes are correct aney.
Ammi is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mangalika
and the others are for my nephews. Just
distribute them among yourselves. The 2 new Levi's Jeans that Ammi is
wearing are for the boys (Lanka & Nilanka). The
Swiss watch that Lakmali wanted is on Ammi's left hand. The silver
colour bangle on Ammi's right hand is for Chootie
who became a big girl five years back.
Josephine Aunty, please, PLEASE remove and take the necklace, earrings
and the ring that you are waiting for the past
20 years saying that Ammi had taken twenty five thousand rupees
against them for my Akki's wedding.
Aunty, I will beg you now to stop telling every one about this money
These gold worth more than that, and I can get fifty thousand from
Hetti Uncle if I go to Jayalalitha's.
The 6 white cotton socks that Ammi is wearing must be divided among my
teenage nephews. And also there are 4 Bras
Ammi is wearing. Give two to Seelawathi who is our servant lady and
the remaining two you can give one to next door
Charlet aunty and one to Dhoby Nenda.
Please distribute all these uniformly and if anything more required
let me know, since our Thaththi is also not
keeping well nowadays; so I can send with him the same way. This way
is much easy, cheaper and you don't need to
worry aney about customs too.