Silence in Court ......One of the BEST! [ VERY FUNNY

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.   ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?  WITNESS:     He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'  ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?  WITNESS:     My name is Susan!  ____________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?  WITNESS:     Gucci sweats and Reeboks.  ____________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?  WITNESS:     No , I just lie there.  ____________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?  WITNESS:     Yes.  ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?  WITNESS:     I forget..  ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?  ___________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?  WITNESS:     We both do.  ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?  WITNESS:     We do..  ATTORNEY:  You do?  WITNESS:     Yes , voodoo.  ____________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep ,  He doesn't know about it until the next morning?  WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?  ____________________________________    ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?  WITNESS:      He's 20, much like your IQ.  ___________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?  WITNESS:     Are you shitting me?  _________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?  WITNESS:     Yes.  ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?  WITNESS:     Getting laid.  ____________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  She had three children , right?  WITNESS:     Yes.  ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?  WITNESS: None.  ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?  WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.  Can I get a new attorney?  ____________________________________________    ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?  WITNESS:     By death..  ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?  WITNESS:     Take a guess.  ____________________________________________    ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?  WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard  ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?  WITNESS:     Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.  _____________________________________    ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant  To a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?  WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.  ______________________________________    ATTORNEY:  Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?  WITNESS:     All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.  _________________________________________    ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?  WITNESS:     Oral...  _________________________________________    ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?  WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM  ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?  WITNESS:     If not, he was by the time I finished.  ____________________________________________    ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?  WITNESS:     Are you qualified to ask that question?  ______________________________________    And last:    ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?  WITNESS:     No.  ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?  WITNESS:     No.  ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?  WITNESS:     No..  ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?  WITNESS:     No.  ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?  WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.  ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?  WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.