The Nuclear Physics Department of the University of Colombo in Sri Lanka, has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 155 assistant neutrons (aka ministrons), 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 442.
These 442 particles are firmly held together by forces called 'morons', which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to actually take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 - 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a re-organization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of 'moron promotion' leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as 'critical morass'. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that absorbs just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons - but twice as many morons.
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